Being 23rd years old is not easy......

OMG, I'M 23 YRS OLD NOW !!!!
Tua-tua keladi, makin tua makin jadi...
Entah positif atau negatif, tapi satu hal yang pasti...
bahwa

"SAYA TAMBAH TUA"...

Di sepetak ruang kost ukuran sekianXsekian meter, here i am...
Duduk manis di depan laptop, sendiri, there's no cake, no candles, no companies...

Sepi jelas sudah menjadi nama tengah saya sekarang, i'm getting used to it.
Doa dan permintaan kepada Tuhan YME pun menjadi sederhana, tidak muluk-muluk, saya takut minta kebanyakkan terus kalau tidak dikabulkan then i'll end up being like AMING in "doa yang mengancam"...

Saya hanya ingin disisa hidup saya ini, saya dapat menjadi manusia yang bermanfaat dan tidak menyusahkan orang-orang di sekitar saya.
Saya tidak masalah dengan kemakmuran hidup saya, saya rela hidup susah asal kedua orang tua saya panjang umur dan hidup sejahtera, adik saya tumbuh dengan pendidikan yang proper dan mampu menjadi pemimpin untuk keluarganya kelak.

Sisanya, saya ikhlas sejadi-jadinya...
Saya tidak minta kebahagiaan apapun untuk saya.
Saya cukup bahagia bila hidup ketiga anak manusia yang sangat saya cintai itu berjalan sesuai dengan permintaan saya.

Ditemani musik dari cd pemberian orang yang juga sangat saya cintai sepenuh hati, then HERE I AM...singing happy birthday by myself...
with no cake, no candles, no companies...
But i'm through and happy enough...
Happy birthday, A...        

     

The Blue Sunday

y this is not first time, this just another blue day...

begin with hear so many touchfull testimony in my new church, that so realy realize me if our live is so precious even that so many obstacles which maybe hurt or make a pain for us..

and its continue with watching a very meaningfull movie its titled im not stupid too.. one movie from singapore

this movie is really good i think, and the story in this movie almost same with my live story..
its full with so many good point that we can take for our live..
when you watch this movie you can be feel sad, cry and laugh coz some funny part of this movie, the story is so simple, its show about some problems thats be in the reality.
about the sons who less attention from their parents, about how important to appreciate the other talents, and about how so precious a praised that we says.

actually there's be so many problems like this in the real life, but sometime we dont put a lot of attentions and understand. if the problem was be and happen, we just new realize it.
its so hard to make one so many feels, or if we want the other to understand what we feel. just with a good comunication one relation can be made with good, moreover with an opening heart and mind. cuz sometime we often feel so right about what we do for the other, but its not same for the other who feel what was we did for them..

so watch it out.. its a recommended movie from me.. a good movie can make you thinking, and made you becoming a better and wiser person
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVIIRvoBbmw

when was the last time you praised someone? and when was the last time someone praised you?

sometime we think if to say a praised word isn't so important to do, but without you know even we say just a little or short word.. it will be so meaningfull for the one who deserve it cuz have done a good thing for example.. y i know, sometime maybe we feel so prestige to praise someone, but from now you must realize if someone sometime can grow up and being motivated because of praised..

life will be more beautifull if we can appreciate each other.. even just a little thing we do, it can be hav a big mean for the other..
cuz being neglected people is feel so hurt, you be denied.. and reputed just as a shadow..
no one admitting your existence..
its like even we seems have everything it all, but we will still feel so empty..

start from today, we must more appreciate the other feel..
keep watch what we do and says.. cuz maybe it can hurt someone feel..
i think its not too hard to put a respect for the other, cuz someday you will be get a bigger respect too..

do what you want the other do for you...

The Black Clods

This morning even i still feel so sleepy.. i try to wake up for study and remember some formula that i need to use in the mid exam..
but when i look my watch it show 7:30 am so i think there's no time again for study
so i just go to take a bath and go to campus as soon as possible..

after i hav arrived at the class, i take some time to learn again some part that i dont understand and wish that part dont out in the exam.. i dont feel so sure if the exam will be so easy, but i'll try to believe if what i hav learn will be usefull and can help me to finish this exam..

finally the time come 9 am, the exam begin.. the answer sheet and the case paper is shared by the lecture..
first thing that i do is look the case.. its be 4 numbers and when i read it one by one, i can know if the exam will be not very smooth as i think..
from 4 numbers, i just know the case number 3 and its point just 4 from 30..
the 3 numbers again i dont know how to solve that things.. but i remember one thing, one principle from my PIC if you find the difficult case that you cant be solve, just try to solve it as well as you can..
so i just try to solve the all case and fill the answer sheet with anything that i know..

after that exam, i keep wondering whats wrong with the mid exam? is it cuz of i dont have enough time to study, is it cuz i dont understand what the lecture explaine in the class or is it because there so many thing that too much too thinking about, so i cant be focus to my study..
y whatever the reason , i try not to blame anyone or anything.. maybe the wrong one is me.. im not ready for this exam  not trying hard and dont hav a max effort to learn...

y its like my stat today, i've been walking down and keep walking down why this black cloud keeps walking around me..

i dont know what must i do for the next time.. in the one part i want to continue this way and keep trying to finish all of this.. but im not sure if i can do that and i afraid if i just will be wasting my time..
and in the other part if i give up and back i think its not solve the problem and im not sure too if there will be better then here for me...
y its still be a confusing thing for thinking...

i wont be regret all decision that i hav take, but i thing there's still be so many better option out there that i can choose..
why i must choose difficult way if there still be an easy way?

yup, its to late..
and today i was make my final decision if i will try to finish this chapter one as best as i can do..
if the result still bad like today, y i think i must made one conclusion if at here isnt my place..

the most disturbing part is i have so many people near me now that really dont understand my condition, they are not support or help me to study well, but give a lot of invitation to "having fun" that really hard to refuse..
and i have accept some of it, with the pressure and regretfull of course..
y i think the main point i be here is to study, not to playing around or do some nationalism activity for my country... y its important to do i know, but its not my interest point why i come to here...
im an Indonesian students, but im not too comfort for always being related with everything that other Indonesian students did..
i am what i am... i have my own way to live, to express my feel, and to thinking.. so please apreciate this!!
i think i dont need to explaine this directly to them for make them realize if what they do is not thing that i want

but its so hard, they proud with the differenciation that they have... but they cant accept if im being diffrence with them... hah, its so ridicolous.. is it wrong to be difference?

y whatever i was dont care with all things they do.. i just will be concern with my job and finish this as well as i can..

"I can live until now because im still walk on my tight way, the difference way that they think is so weird to walk.."

and

I believe someone out there will make eveything better for me, if there's none, then I'll make it BEST on my own :)

25-10-2010

Headache, Lieur, Janger, n nyeri sirah... thats what i feel now...
im not try to gripe, but this is a fact
its TMTH, too much too handle.. i just want to walk straight forward..
and in the way, there's be so much obstacles that really disturbing..

y, sometime it feel really hard coz it come from my surroundings comunity
and if i reject them, so maybe they will sheer off me.. y everything is gonna be wrong
coz i be in the wrong place or time..

want to back up, but it was too late..
so i just can move straight forward now, with more difficult path that i must passed by..

it doesn't need too much hear what the other said about us, talk a negative thing, and see what the other did behind us.. i let them to do whatever they want to do, but they can't let me to do anything that i want to do..
its so crafty right, i very hate that thing...

why we can work together, to get what we wanted as our purpose.. but otherwise we even bring down each other..

i was stuck here, and i must still be here..

in the other country that i never know before.. with a very dicipline, diligent, and enthusiasm people..
y i want to be like them, i think its good.. cuz if we live in a new place, i think we must follow that place tradition and habits.. as long as that still be good for us

but the close minded people just want to keep their old tradition that they are think the best..

y i love this country and this city, but i love it in the different part with the different way too

i love the green environtment, a big trees everywhere.. even in the big city and inside the university

but i hate the weather.. sometime really hot and sometime is very cool too

and the biggest weather disaster is typhoon

its blew everything, and broke down all things that it pass

yes based on that, i think my small village is still the best for me, even it haven't a great building and big park like here, but it can give a comfort and silent to live..

y wait for me my village, just 2,5 months again i will be back..

and as the last word, i have one note about the number one.. one isn't a small number, but one is the base and starting point for count the next bigger number..

The Power of "One"

One flower can awake

One tree can start a forest

One bird can herald spring

One star can guide a ship lost at sea

One song can spark a moment

One smile begins a friendship

One vote settles the future of a nation

One word frames the big goal

One sunbeam can light a dark room

One laugh can conquer gloom

One courageous step starts a suprising journey 

One hope encourages our spirits

One tender touch can show our concern

One sincere heart tears down the wall between people

One word of praise makes people feel warm and beloved

One life can witness the miracle!

Never look down on the power of "one"

it's often the greatest key to changing the world

a fun (silly) quiz from Aya

Feel free 2 give it a try =)

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

And my test result is:
----------------------------

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


100% its sound like me, so try it out..!!!!

Heroes

Heroes is one of American serial movie that I really like..

pertama ny g tw film ini dr cici ato senior g yg bernama Vin.. y dy lah yg ngasi pinjem g dvd bajakan Heroes ini mpe akhirnya g bisa suka bgt ma ni film..

Film ini lebih bercerita tentang beberapa/sekumpulan orang yg berpikir ato merasa bhwa mereka just a normal human being like the other, dan pada akhirnya mereka bisa menyadari bahwa mereka sebenarnya memiliki kekuatan yg luar biasa..

Ada beberapa tokoh di film ini yg g suka bgt:

1. Claire Bennet

Dy hanya seorang remaja cewe biasa yg jg anggota cheers di sekolahnya, tp kemampuanny yg luar biasa dahsyat yaitu Rapid Cellular Regeneration atau kemampuan untuk menyembuhkan dirinya sendiri.. yup its cool, I hope can be like her, mw nyoba bunuh diri berapa kali pun ga bakalan mati2.. 

2. Hiro Nakamura

Seorang progammer dr Tokyo yg punya kemampuan Space Time Continuum atau bisa mengendalikan ruang dan waktu..wew hebat bgt kan, dy plg sering berpindah tempat ato nyetop waktu gtu aja, bisa jg pergi ke masa lalu atau masa depan...you can fixed ur past time n see your future whatever you want..

3. Nathan Petrelli

nah cowo yg atu ini kemampuannya ampir mirip kaya superman bisa terbang2 gtu.. yup, standar kekuatan super hero tp tetep mengagumkan, sapa jg yg ga pgn bisa terbang.. bebas macet, cepet pula..

4. Peter Petrelli
adik nathan ini punya kemampuan Power Mimicry atau bisa mengopi kekuatan/kemampuan orang lain.. menurut g kemampun dy lah yg paling canggih diantara heroes2 yg lain.. one body with a lot of power..

yup, mungkin kadang qta sering berpikir bahwa punya suatu kemampuan spesial kaya mereka2 di atas ini pasti bakal menyenangkan..tp tanpa qta sadari bahwa punya kemampuan khusus seperti mereka ini ada ga enakny juga.. everything has the effect, good or bad is up to you..

ok lu bisa sembuh dan ga pernah sakit, ok lu bisa balik ke masa lalu n ngubah kesalahan2 lu, ok lu bisa terbang ke mana pun lu suka, n ok lu bisa ngopi kemampuan2 orang lain sesuka lu.. tp apa itu semua bisa ngejamin kebahagian hidup lu, ada saatnya be a normal person can be more fun.. kesederhanaan itu bukan sesuatu yg jelek kq, justru dr kesederhanaan itulah lu bisa jd seseorang yg beda dan spesial..

yup the last word from me.. To become a special person you don't need a special thing, just be your self because you were special in front of Him..

my PIC

yup, beside I missing so much my family, my hometown (MV).. I really missing someone too, and she is my PIC or my partner in crime..
she is get so many citation from me, an old lady, friend, partner, and advicer...
yes so many function in one body..

one great ability that she has is too make people happy.. a special ability for her..
even she often get mad or angry to me, but I never feel offense..
she old and she got very wise, I often need her advice when I have a problems in life, yup like now...

no one friend like her again at here, y no one can replace you.. you a special friend for me..
y I missing that time.. time when we watching, eating, laughing, walking, sharing and of course do a "criminal thing"..

y I don't know when we'll meet again.. even I was back, maybe I still can't meet her..

so don't wasting ur time, every second is so precious for us.. use ur time with someone u really love n care, because u won't know how valuable they are for u, until u were lossing them..

first sat nite in other home..